I Don't Need Your Money

Wow! I said it.

As a career advisor, I hesitate coaching anyone into a maverick posture when they have a job offer at 20-40% less than their last paycheck, but they have the clock ticking against the three months severance from their last job and their mortgage and their child's college tuition payments are on the horizon for several more years.

BUT... It's OK to think that "I don't need this; I don't need to settle; I can keep going until I'm in a financial squeeze that compels me to take that much less".

The same is true for consulting fees. This happens when potential clients attempt to nickel and dime you. In my wedding celebrant business, I get calls from people who have seen my website and tell me they've read the range of fees for my services. On the website, I do not outline point for point where the charges break down, but if I start at the low of 250, it's strange to hear a groom tell me he's having a wedding with 100 guests at the most expensive hotel in this city and he wants to pay me no more than 150! There is nothing wrong with shopping price, but there's an image issue and a values issue here---this groom would not ask his hotel caterers to serve jello mold for dessert or ask his photographer to use discount disposables, to cut costs. It's just NOT DONE. He knows this.

I don't need his money, even though I had that weekend open this summer. At the same time, there are others who engage my services for 150. Who are they? These are people like a couple I married in May, who came to my house and in my meditation room said their vows. I gave them a keepsake copy of the standard script, took pictures for them, had fresh flowers at the front door and found small tokens to decorate the ceremony room to reflect their Latino nationality. My services were their biggest expense.

It all comes down to this: none of us needs anyone else's money, whether we're in plenty or in want. We need to earn a living and money shows up when we contribute to the greater good. So remember this, not as a defensive posture, but as an empowerment and a sign of inherent trust.

Long time away

In the blogosphere I've been out of touch a very long time. But issues of character don't rest.

It's no secret I have a small enterprise as a wedding officiant, which I participate in on many weekends from May through November. I have an initial meeting with prospective couples that takes about an hour, they and I sign a simple contract, and I proceed to develop a wedding script for their ceremony in the not distant future.

This coming October I have most of the month booked, but for Friday evening weddings. I recently interviewed a couple who are seeking an officiant for their Saturday wedding, which would mean two on that weekend. Sometimes couples decide right then and there to hire me, they make a deposit, and the entire process begins immediately. Other times, they walk away, contract in hand, and say they'll let me know. Most of the time when they walk away the deposit arrives within a week or so.

I have a friend who has a marketing background and she considers me timid in my marketing behavior. She suggested that I tell couples who hesitate that I have another couple who are considering the same date, so I need to have a quick decision. I said I can't do what she suggests. Why not?

Well, as I've always said in my work as a career counselor, never lie when the truth is sufficient. Never mind the laws of karma. This couple knows that I have most of October booked and they surely might have guessed that I'm not worried if they decide not to use my services. Given the premium of October availabilities for wedding officiants, the likelihood I will have that date booked by someone else is still high.

But the larger point is the issue of character and integrity and the high cost of "little white lies". Even if that suggestion might have helped "close" the interview with a booked and deposited date, what would it have done to me? My friend is not a scheming woman full of lies and deception; her suggestion is common among some in the career counseling field who suggest you tell a potential employer you have other offers on the table when you only have potential interest, but nothing solid.

The issue is this: little lies put you in the habit of fuzzy thinking, of easy compromise, of clever mind games. And, one little habit begets more. Sooner or later that little white lie will be repeated in another circumstance. It gets to be fun to get by with this creative way of living and eventually the lies get bigger and soon enough, you're in the business of self-deception.

My late friend Bob Clampitt, founder of The Children's Express newspaper, told me something thirty years ago I've never forgotten: do not believe, and thereby become a victim of, your own PR. The cost of the trick of indicating other business pressure to force a decision from a buyer sets one up to believe in an importance that isn't real. This sets character issues in motion that will only compound an already difficult world. Leave it alone. Trust the universe to supply you with what you need.
Character is the coin of the realm of having a life worth living. We ignore these small opportunities at our peril.