Long time away

In the blogosphere I've been out of touch a very long time. But issues of character don't rest.

It's no secret I have a small enterprise as a wedding officiant, which I participate in on many weekends from May through November. I have an initial meeting with prospective couples that takes about an hour, they and I sign a simple contract, and I proceed to develop a wedding script for their ceremony in the not distant future.

This coming October I have most of the month booked, but for Friday evening weddings. I recently interviewed a couple who are seeking an officiant for their Saturday wedding, which would mean two on that weekend. Sometimes couples decide right then and there to hire me, they make a deposit, and the entire process begins immediately. Other times, they walk away, contract in hand, and say they'll let me know. Most of the time when they walk away the deposit arrives within a week or so.

I have a friend who has a marketing background and she considers me timid in my marketing behavior. She suggested that I tell couples who hesitate that I have another couple who are considering the same date, so I need to have a quick decision. I said I can't do what she suggests. Why not?

Well, as I've always said in my work as a career counselor, never lie when the truth is sufficient. Never mind the laws of karma. This couple knows that I have most of October booked and they surely might have guessed that I'm not worried if they decide not to use my services. Given the premium of October availabilities for wedding officiants, the likelihood I will have that date booked by someone else is still high.

But the larger point is the issue of character and integrity and the high cost of "little white lies". Even if that suggestion might have helped "close" the interview with a booked and deposited date, what would it have done to me? My friend is not a scheming woman full of lies and deception; her suggestion is common among some in the career counseling field who suggest you tell a potential employer you have other offers on the table when you only have potential interest, but nothing solid.

The issue is this: little lies put you in the habit of fuzzy thinking, of easy compromise, of clever mind games. And, one little habit begets more. Sooner or later that little white lie will be repeated in another circumstance. It gets to be fun to get by with this creative way of living and eventually the lies get bigger and soon enough, you're in the business of self-deception.

My late friend Bob Clampitt, founder of The Children's Express newspaper, told me something thirty years ago I've never forgotten: do not believe, and thereby become a victim of, your own PR. The cost of the trick of indicating other business pressure to force a decision from a buyer sets one up to believe in an importance that isn't real. This sets character issues in motion that will only compound an already difficult world. Leave it alone. Trust the universe to supply you with what you need.
Character is the coin of the realm of having a life worth living. We ignore these small opportunities at our peril.