I'm showing my university composition students the film, CRASH, winner of three Academy Awards, including Best Picture, in 2005. The film brilliantly cuts from scene to scene with tiny scenarios depicting biases too numerous to list here. This movie is full of equal opportunity slights, slams, epithets and worse. It takes the subject of diversity and shows a thousand sides, slips, cuts and injuries until the viewer can't help but see some part of himself among the various characters.
Diversity is not dead, but alive and well and operating continuously beneath the surface of our lives. And we'd better pay heed.
A colleague of mine recently dug himself into a hole that may eventually bury one of his client relationships. He runs a small educational learning business that subcontracts training to various constituencies within corporations. One such workshop he offers is an ESL (English as a second language) speech improvement course to people who identify themselves as less than secure in command of spoken English.
He visited another class offered for a current client, and proceeded to probe the Asian members on how long they had been in this country, as if that would in any way indicate their need (or desire) for speech improvement. One of the women took him on, asking him why he needed to know such a thing. The whole room froze. His simple request for information became an intrusion into privacy as well as an insult to the Asians present, indicating that since they were not native English speakers, they must have a problem.
He knows he made a mistake, but my colleague actually set himself up for something worse: now the woman who challenged him plans to go to HR and complain. He won't lose the current contract, but he may not get another, at least not from this client.
What does this all mean, and how does this relate to Crash? Beware of assumptions about people; we make them all the time and to our peril. Crash held a mirror up to Everyman: and that's you and I. My husband is 75, not retired, an avid reader, author and wage earner.He met a local politician in a nearby park who, not knowing anything about my husband, suggested he visit the senior center down the street since they had great Bingo opportunities. My husband instantly disliked this man and in the recent election voted against him. Why? It's a thousand tiny cuts that can make or break our success or happiness. We must all be aware.
About Me
- elly jackson
- Boston, Massachusetts, United States
- I am a Boston, Massachusetts-based Wedding Officiant and Celebrant; I also do free-lance writing, editing, teaching and coaching writers.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Behind the wheel
it's time to come clean. Although I hear almost daily stories about driving in Boston traffic, and episodes of mini-road rage, I must admit I'm one of the pack myself.
Yesterday I drove my son to his job downtown and there was a woman in front of me meandering through the maze of construction on one of our main thoroughfares. The usual two lanes were down to one, but her speed at twelve miles an hour meant missing green lights street after street. It wasn't until my 26 year old son, always freely outspoken, admonished me for tailgating that I realized what I was doing. Tailgating is nasty in my book. But, but, but..... all I was doing was pushing her along a little, reminding her that there were other drivers on the road with places to go, sometimes on deadline.
So I gave up, let go, and gave her room. Shortly she turned left off the boulevard, perhaps having searched for an opening and finally found one. (Or was she escaping the annoying tailgater right behind her?). Boston is a city full of tourists and other visitors, and it's sometimes hard even for the natives to finagel around construction, much less all the rotaries and one way streets.
I believe we can find almost every opportunity for character development every day we're right behind the wheel. When the speed of life is not the point, but the quality of every moment, it's crystal clear. Nowhere is there a better place to experience this exercise than out there on the road.
Yesterday I drove my son to his job downtown and there was a woman in front of me meandering through the maze of construction on one of our main thoroughfares. The usual two lanes were down to one, but her speed at twelve miles an hour meant missing green lights street after street. It wasn't until my 26 year old son, always freely outspoken, admonished me for tailgating that I realized what I was doing. Tailgating is nasty in my book. But, but, but..... all I was doing was pushing her along a little, reminding her that there were other drivers on the road with places to go, sometimes on deadline.
So I gave up, let go, and gave her room. Shortly she turned left off the boulevard, perhaps having searched for an opening and finally found one. (Or was she escaping the annoying tailgater right behind her?). Boston is a city full of tourists and other visitors, and it's sometimes hard even for the natives to finagel around construction, much less all the rotaries and one way streets.
I believe we can find almost every opportunity for character development every day we're right behind the wheel. When the speed of life is not the point, but the quality of every moment, it's crystal clear. Nowhere is there a better place to experience this exercise than out there on the road.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Another day
What's in a day?
A day is a perfect microcosm of an entire lifetime. We awaken out of a dream and into the light. We stir, we move, sometimes slowly, sometimes all too quickly into activity, into preparation for the day's events.
However our work day is configured, at some point we gear up for meeting demands, challenges, tasks. Stopping every few hours for fuel, we move on, forge ahead, chipping away at one activity after another, ostensibly leading toward some purpose, often undefined, or simply long forgotten.
At day's end we unwind, let go of the higher pitched energy of the day. And when the engine is fully drained we return to the dream. We let it all go.
Why does it feel, at least for the first few moments upon awakening, like we have a second chance to start over, to make things right? Each day is a new story, a new opportunity to create a new reality. Of course, there are residuals from yesterday, but they are not solid; they're fluid and far more malleable than we usually allow. Today is a life.
A day is a perfect microcosm of an entire lifetime. We awaken out of a dream and into the light. We stir, we move, sometimes slowly, sometimes all too quickly into activity, into preparation for the day's events.
However our work day is configured, at some point we gear up for meeting demands, challenges, tasks. Stopping every few hours for fuel, we move on, forge ahead, chipping away at one activity after another, ostensibly leading toward some purpose, often undefined, or simply long forgotten.
At day's end we unwind, let go of the higher pitched energy of the day. And when the engine is fully drained we return to the dream. We let it all go.
Why does it feel, at least for the first few moments upon awakening, like we have a second chance to start over, to make things right? Each day is a new story, a new opportunity to create a new reality. Of course, there are residuals from yesterday, but they are not solid; they're fluid and far more malleable than we usually allow. Today is a life.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Missing in Action
Sunday's Boston Globe (9/16/07) had a terrific front page Ideas Section article on the loss of human purpose as taught in universities today. It boils down to this: the humanities has been hamstrung since the 1960s from teaching the classics (the Western Canon) and has allowed all issues of spiritual significance to become coopted by religion.
There is no bigger question to ask or to seek the answers to than the issues of why are we here. But philosophy is fading and other humanities courses teach a narrower view of life and its myriad problems.
It finally comes down to this: is religion and its practice and beliefs the only way to be spiritual? If the answer is no, how do we get to a spiritual well-being without studying the bigger questions through voices and viewpoints other than those possessed by the religions?
There is no bigger question to ask or to seek the answers to than the issues of why are we here. But philosophy is fading and other humanities courses teach a narrower view of life and its myriad problems.
It finally comes down to this: is religion and its practice and beliefs the only way to be spiritual? If the answer is no, how do we get to a spiritual well-being without studying the bigger questions through voices and viewpoints other than those possessed by the religions?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
voice from the past
I played a steaming audio interview today of James Baldwin (The Fire Next Time, and much more) in a 1979 tape from Berkeley, CA. There's so much in it, but what struck me particularly was his comment that the only way to live was to love everyone you meet, not to love Amercians as a group, but individual people (Americans certainly included), or in short, everyone you meet.
I'm going to play the audio again tomorrow morning, so I'll post a longer piece tomorrow afternoon on his extraordinary words.
I'm going to play the audio again tomorrow morning, so I'll post a longer piece tomorrow afternoon on his extraordinary words.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
resumes
Since this blog site has that word in the title, it may be time to address what is a heavenly resume. It's a resume to get you (and me) into heaven.
Now this presupposes there are jobs in heaven and then it assumes heaven will include "work", which is just what Adam and Even were condemned to endure on earth, having eaten that apple. Remember, they had to put on clothes and get to work. But this then presupposes jobs in heaven, where I imagine the use of this resume to be only about gaining admittance.
But suppose there were jobs waiting for us in heaven: what would they be? After all, the very least a job provides is a little respite from boredom (we won't need money to hold body and soul together). I see the need for Traffic Directors; after all, there are inevitably zillions of souls flying around up there. Road rage dies hard. Of course, if these TDs don't do a perfect job, we'll need Wing Repairers, like fine craftspersons from the Middle Ages, these renowned artists will refashion a broken wing, restoring it to its original lustre. But what happens in the meantime? There will have to be a heavenly version of Physical Therapists, health care providers who help us maneuver our celestial enterprise until we are Wing-Abled again.
What jobs do you think might be waiting for us?
Now this presupposes there are jobs in heaven and then it assumes heaven will include "work", which is just what Adam and Even were condemned to endure on earth, having eaten that apple. Remember, they had to put on clothes and get to work. But this then presupposes jobs in heaven, where I imagine the use of this resume to be only about gaining admittance.
But suppose there were jobs waiting for us in heaven: what would they be? After all, the very least a job provides is a little respite from boredom (we won't need money to hold body and soul together). I see the need for Traffic Directors; after all, there are inevitably zillions of souls flying around up there. Road rage dies hard. Of course, if these TDs don't do a perfect job, we'll need Wing Repairers, like fine craftspersons from the Middle Ages, these renowned artists will refashion a broken wing, restoring it to its original lustre. But what happens in the meantime? There will have to be a heavenly version of Physical Therapists, health care providers who help us maneuver our celestial enterprise until we are Wing-Abled again.
What jobs do you think might be waiting for us?
Sunday, September 9, 2007
I AM
The other day while waiting in the beauty parlor, I opened a copy of one of those women's magazines and fell upon a quickie interview with Deepak Chopra. I had to get past the overwhelmingly good photo of Chopra, looking like he'd had a good facelift and is working out at whatever gyms are available to him in his busy lecture schedule.
The interview, I repeat a quickie and by default somewhat superficial, suprised me in its simple wisdom. The question was about stress and ways to access peace and quiet. His answer was to take a moment to stop what you're doing, and inhale slowly with the word: I. Then exhale slowly with the word: AM.
Wow. "I am" is also a way to disidentify with the labels and language that get us caught up in our heads and then subsequently in emotional inner turmoil. I've practiced this for a few weeks and it helps. Try it.
The interview, I repeat a quickie and by default somewhat superficial, suprised me in its simple wisdom. The question was about stress and ways to access peace and quiet. His answer was to take a moment to stop what you're doing, and inhale slowly with the word: I. Then exhale slowly with the word: AM.
Wow. "I am" is also a way to disidentify with the labels and language that get us caught up in our heads and then subsequently in emotional inner turmoil. I've practiced this for a few weeks and it helps. Try it.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Practice
Last night a friend called from the O'Hare Airport. On her way back from a business trip, she was delayed another 90 minutes. She was exhausted, bored and frustrated. After all, with the newly rescheduled flight, she would get home after 1 AM, and her plans for an early start on Saturday were crumbling.
This scenario is so familiar. I would have coached her on how this is an opportunity to practice "presence": be where you are when you're there; there's no place else to go. But instead I listened, just listened. I realized her time delayed in the airport was not different from my time delayed in driving through Boston traffic. I have for so long been on automatic in traffic (I pride myself on how well I maneuver through jams, bragging how I learned from New York taxi drivers), I forget that my cleverness often fails when there are no spaces to fill, just gridlock.
How much time (life) I have wasted sitting in traffic fuming, grinding away my peaceful inner self for something over which I had no control. Every once in awhile, I remember to practice. It's gift to accept time on its own terms; it's pure pleasure to stay alive and well through these moments of frustration. I'm on my way to the bank: I want to practice if there's a long line. Peace brothers and sisters.
This scenario is so familiar. I would have coached her on how this is an opportunity to practice "presence": be where you are when you're there; there's no place else to go. But instead I listened, just listened. I realized her time delayed in the airport was not different from my time delayed in driving through Boston traffic. I have for so long been on automatic in traffic (I pride myself on how well I maneuver through jams, bragging how I learned from New York taxi drivers), I forget that my cleverness often fails when there are no spaces to fill, just gridlock.
How much time (life) I have wasted sitting in traffic fuming, grinding away my peaceful inner self for something over which I had no control. Every once in awhile, I remember to practice. It's gift to accept time on its own terms; it's pure pleasure to stay alive and well through these moments of frustration. I'm on my way to the bank: I want to practice if there's a long line. Peace brothers and sisters.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Whose G*d?
It's so hard for me to let G*d in.
When my childhood image of a sometimes benevolent old man with a long white beard, the one I cherished, honored and obeyed, invades my mind, I recoil. Who wants an old bag as a burden to carry, especially since this old man is not always benevolent?
At age ten, I told my father I believed G*d was everywhere. I still today struggle with that. I don't believe it anymore; I feel G*d's presence often in my direct experience. The experience, however, is not easy to describe, for it has no direct image of an outsider intervening in any positive or negative direction. In other words, it's content free. It's just a presence that tells me I'm connected to something larger than my fears, doubts, joys, wonders, thoughts, history. Most importantly, it is a presence that gives me a degree of confidence that is accessible and filled with peace, even in difficult circumstances.
If this G*d is so accessible to me, this same G*d must be accessible to all. This is where experience trumps belief. None of us can own that which cannot be owned.
When my childhood image of a sometimes benevolent old man with a long white beard, the one I cherished, honored and obeyed, invades my mind, I recoil. Who wants an old bag as a burden to carry, especially since this old man is not always benevolent?
At age ten, I told my father I believed G*d was everywhere. I still today struggle with that. I don't believe it anymore; I feel G*d's presence often in my direct experience. The experience, however, is not easy to describe, for it has no direct image of an outsider intervening in any positive or negative direction. In other words, it's content free. It's just a presence that tells me I'm connected to something larger than my fears, doubts, joys, wonders, thoughts, history. Most importantly, it is a presence that gives me a degree of confidence that is accessible and filled with peace, even in difficult circumstances.
If this G*d is so accessible to me, this same G*d must be accessible to all. This is where experience trumps belief. None of us can own that which cannot be owned.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Labor Day
Today is another wonderful American holiday. It has special meaning for a variety of reasons typical to our way of life in an open society. Children return to school tomorrow or the day after. Colleges restart the full academic year. The Jewish holidays are soon; autumn is right around the corner. Light is changing and the weather is cooling, at least at night.
But with all these markers, there is something about this day unique unto itself. The real meaning of holiday is holy day, so today we make holy and offer a tribute to labor. How do we best celebrate, make holy, labor? If you're like me, you have some work to do today, even if you don't go to the office (all schools and most businesses are closed), but that doesn't mean the business of home and family aren't right in front of you and me and in need of attention.
Suggestion: use today to focus a quiet and open attention to all your work. What does that mean? When you finish a task, stop, pause, inhale, exhale before you move on to the next task. Put a space between activities to remind yourself you're alive and active, but not "caught up". And then, notice the peace still left in you at the end of the day. That's my plan. I'll report back tomorrow.
But with all these markers, there is something about this day unique unto itself. The real meaning of holiday is holy day, so today we make holy and offer a tribute to labor. How do we best celebrate, make holy, labor? If you're like me, you have some work to do today, even if you don't go to the office (all schools and most businesses are closed), but that doesn't mean the business of home and family aren't right in front of you and me and in need of attention.
Suggestion: use today to focus a quiet and open attention to all your work. What does that mean? When you finish a task, stop, pause, inhale, exhale before you move on to the next task. Put a space between activities to remind yourself you're alive and active, but not "caught up". And then, notice the peace still left in you at the end of the day. That's my plan. I'll report back tomorrow.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Beginner's Mind
I like to think of myself as knowledgeable and professional, but that's really just my PR.
Last night I did my work (the kind with a public audience) and my husband was there. The last time he saw my work was several months ago and people were heaping praise on me. This time there were technical difficulties and some of my performance was not as smooth as usual. There were no major mistakes, just a matter of degree's difference, but still the kind that makes a leap from great back down to good.
I puzzled over it and looked for excuses and explanations of what happened. I overdid it; I didn't test the microphone enough, and blah, blah, blah. The truth in fact eludes me. I did my best and everything I could think of and it just wasn't my most impressive. End of story.
Bottom line, I love my work and it seems to love me back. In zen mind, there is just what is and everything else is just a story added on top. The technical things are easy to fix next time, but the second guessing is counter-productive. With beginner's mind, the next time out will be fresh and as if for the first time ever. I'll remember that.
Last night I did my work (the kind with a public audience) and my husband was there. The last time he saw my work was several months ago and people were heaping praise on me. This time there were technical difficulties and some of my performance was not as smooth as usual. There were no major mistakes, just a matter of degree's difference, but still the kind that makes a leap from great back down to good.
I puzzled over it and looked for excuses and explanations of what happened. I overdid it; I didn't test the microphone enough, and blah, blah, blah. The truth in fact eludes me. I did my best and everything I could think of and it just wasn't my most impressive. End of story.
Bottom line, I love my work and it seems to love me back. In zen mind, there is just what is and everything else is just a story added on top. The technical things are easy to fix next time, but the second guessing is counter-productive. With beginner's mind, the next time out will be fresh and as if for the first time ever. I'll remember that.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
I'm Right; You're Wrong
I learned the crucial details of what this is and what it causes in human misery a long time ago. It has never been easy to move away from the I'm right/ you're wrong thinking or behavior patterns.
In his most recent book, Eckhart Tolle refers to the "pointers" to truth. This is a statement addressing the idea that there is no absolute truth, at least as far as any human being could fully come to know. G*d, or a Being greater than we are, is the Absolute Truth. But the ego thinks in absolutes and this fuels a false sense of security. Sometimes our closely held beliefs trap us and render us inflexible, making us forget that what we are grasping may be strangling us in the process.
This brings us to the right/wrong dynamic. We come into an us versus them quagmire. At its worst, marriages fall apart, friendships become strained for years, if not forever. Forgiveness, compassion, acceptance are farthest from our minds. It takes daily practice to stay aware of the right/wrong inner mind. Self-forgiveness is a good place to start. Calling a driver who cuts me off an idiot (just in my own mind) gains me nothing but a superior attitude and unnecessary anger.So what! Big deal! It comes up so automatically, all I can do is forgive myself, call it an impersonal mistake and move on.
This is a big topic. I'll return to it again soon. Peace for today and happy September.
In his most recent book, Eckhart Tolle refers to the "pointers" to truth. This is a statement addressing the idea that there is no absolute truth, at least as far as any human being could fully come to know. G*d, or a Being greater than we are, is the Absolute Truth. But the ego thinks in absolutes and this fuels a false sense of security. Sometimes our closely held beliefs trap us and render us inflexible, making us forget that what we are grasping may be strangling us in the process.
This brings us to the right/wrong dynamic. We come into an us versus them quagmire. At its worst, marriages fall apart, friendships become strained for years, if not forever. Forgiveness, compassion, acceptance are farthest from our minds. It takes daily practice to stay aware of the right/wrong inner mind. Self-forgiveness is a good place to start. Calling a driver who cuts me off an idiot (just in my own mind) gains me nothing but a superior attitude and unnecessary anger.So what! Big deal! It comes up so automatically, all I can do is forgive myself, call it an impersonal mistake and move on.
This is a big topic. I'll return to it again soon. Peace for today and happy September.
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