How do these two words relate? They come together at the intersection of honoring one's word. It is unreasonable to keep one's word.
Integrity is to make whole, to bring together disparate parts; it is considered a quality of being honest.
Now most of us never would describe ourselves as dishonest people, for that implies a pattern of lying or subterfuge. But we in fact break our word far more often than we even notice. And we have a plethora of excuses to explain away just why we couldn't possibly stick with what we said we were going to do.
There's something about reasonableness that appeals to us as acceptable, especially when it's our own reasonableness and not someone else's, on whose solemn word we depend. After all, if we have the reasons why we couldn't deliver as we said, we can escape blame and keep the flame alive, the next expectation, the promise of a better day, a second, third, or fourth chance to deliver. Mostly we grow blind to our own excuses and listen to our own reasonable explanation for our difficulties.
Unreasonableness, just at the level of keeping our word, can be uncomfortable, even dangerous. We can make promises but in the moment of action, these can look overwhelming.
I once promised my best friend to put myself on the line with my husband over an issue central to my own integrity. It came down to his agreeing to withdraw a business plan that was so against my own needs and honor that I was willing to put my marriage itself on the line. I knew I did not wish to proffer an empty threat, but in the moment of confrontation I had to take a deep breath and take a stand. I did, for the first time ever knowing I would follow through on my threat, and he withdrew the plan. The danger for me was that his decision in another direction could have ended our marriage. But in that moment I was made whole. I learned what it was to keep my word, or more importantly to say only what I would fully stand behind--no empty threats.
It takes the courage to move beyond the reasonableness of fear and rationale of doubt to use our word as the measure of our integrity. We never can get there by gliding into it: it must be practiced as a way of life.
About Me
- elly jackson
- Boston, Massachusetts, United States
- I am a Boston, Massachusetts-based Wedding Officiant and Celebrant; I also do free-lance writing, editing, teaching and coaching writers.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Robert Reich on the 60s
This says what I recall so clearly, especially from the days of Bobby Kennedy when I was a young graduate student at Stanford.
Idealism of Realism
Idealism of Realism
Monday, February 25, 2008
Religion in America
A lead article in today's New York Times (Monday, February 25, 2008) covers the decline of formal religion in the United States.
...........The rise of the unaffiliated does not mean that Americans are becoming less religious, however. Contrary to assumptions that most of the unaffiliated are atheists or agnostics, most described their religion “as nothing in particular.” Pew researchers said that later projects would delve more deeply into the beliefs and practices of the unaffiliated and would try to determine if they remain so as they age............
In my work as a wedding celebrant, I meet couples continuously who describe themselves as spiritual but not religious. Most of these young adults were raised with religion, but abandoned the practices somewhere in their high school years.
This is no small issue for the older generation, for the parents of these twenty and thirty somethings. But somewhere along the line, teenagers will think for themselves and sometimes they rationalize their way into a spiritual framework that may be more open and accepting of larger ideologies than their family religion allows. I once spoke to a bride on the phone who used the following to screen her officiant: "Do you marry gay couples?" I replied that I do, but she had just described her fiance as male. I was a little perplexed. "I could never have an officiant marry me who has a narrow view of the right for anyone of any gender orientation to marry whomever they want."
I conclude from this (and many other samples I won't go into here) that single issues might become intolerable to some young people, and that a single issue, particularly indicating intolerance, can tip the scale. Tolerance is a hallmark of the current generation of young adults. This sends a message to the guardians of religious dogma. Open up to fresh air or watch the numbers decline.
...........The rise of the unaffiliated does not mean that Americans are becoming less religious, however. Contrary to assumptions that most of the unaffiliated are atheists or agnostics, most described their religion “as nothing in particular.” Pew researchers said that later projects would delve more deeply into the beliefs and practices of the unaffiliated and would try to determine if they remain so as they age............
In my work as a wedding celebrant, I meet couples continuously who describe themselves as spiritual but not religious. Most of these young adults were raised with religion, but abandoned the practices somewhere in their high school years.
This is no small issue for the older generation, for the parents of these twenty and thirty somethings. But somewhere along the line, teenagers will think for themselves and sometimes they rationalize their way into a spiritual framework that may be more open and accepting of larger ideologies than their family religion allows. I once spoke to a bride on the phone who used the following to screen her officiant: "Do you marry gay couples?" I replied that I do, but she had just described her fiance as male. I was a little perplexed. "I could never have an officiant marry me who has a narrow view of the right for anyone of any gender orientation to marry whomever they want."
I conclude from this (and many other samples I won't go into here) that single issues might become intolerable to some young people, and that a single issue, particularly indicating intolerance, can tip the scale. Tolerance is a hallmark of the current generation of young adults. This sends a message to the guardians of religious dogma. Open up to fresh air or watch the numbers decline.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
A New Earth
A good friend just sent me a notice that Oprah and Eckhard Tolle are doing a webinar on Tolle's book, A New Earth, for ten weeks starting March 3rd at 9 PM EST. There are 225 million people already signed up and it's free. I understand you do have to read the book, however. If you're interested, go to www.Oprah.com to sign up.
Why is this a good idea? This is a good book, and one I recommend. I read it last summer and reread most of it during the fall of 2007. I never reread any book, and rereading this one wasn't because it was hard to understand the first time. It was so practical and nourishing, I just wanted to stay refreshed from the same well.
What do I remember? It's about your life's purpose and it helps to get front and center with what's essential, what's at the heart of what makes you and me truly happy, and how we can find the doorways to that happiness everyday in the simplest of circumstances. The older I get, the more I see how to let go of old superficial goals: another trip to the Riviera, going first class on transatlantic flights, $200 dinners in Manhattan. Yes, those weren't my stated goals, but when they were present for me, I lapped up the luxury and felt deserving. ( And it's OK to feel deserving).
I don't see those luxuries these days, so how can I be happy? Remembering that my higher purpose is to wake up everyday and notice I'm alive, to be available to the chance for other humans to know they're alive, and that we all walk through this journey together. The randomness of our everyday unconscious behaviors doesn't have to rule. All of this is available to all of us when we come together on common ground. Tolle (now collaborating with Oprah) offers a conversation to do just this.
Meanwhile, I'll be picking this book up again soon and writing up more this coming week based on his work.
Why is this a good idea? This is a good book, and one I recommend. I read it last summer and reread most of it during the fall of 2007. I never reread any book, and rereading this one wasn't because it was hard to understand the first time. It was so practical and nourishing, I just wanted to stay refreshed from the same well.
What do I remember? It's about your life's purpose and it helps to get front and center with what's essential, what's at the heart of what makes you and me truly happy, and how we can find the doorways to that happiness everyday in the simplest of circumstances. The older I get, the more I see how to let go of old superficial goals: another trip to the Riviera, going first class on transatlantic flights, $200 dinners in Manhattan. Yes, those weren't my stated goals, but when they were present for me, I lapped up the luxury and felt deserving. ( And it's OK to feel deserving).
I don't see those luxuries these days, so how can I be happy? Remembering that my higher purpose is to wake up everyday and notice I'm alive, to be available to the chance for other humans to know they're alive, and that we all walk through this journey together. The randomness of our everyday unconscious behaviors doesn't have to rule. All of this is available to all of us when we come together on common ground. Tolle (now collaborating with Oprah) offers a conversation to do just this.
Meanwhile, I'll be picking this book up again soon and writing up more this coming week based on his work.
Friday, February 15, 2008
check out: ellyjackson
This week, February 15 to February 21, I'll be posting daily to my other blog: ellyjackson@blogspot.com. I'm keeping my word, but placing my words on another blog.
Back to you all next week!
Back to you all next week!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Score one for coming through
This is the time for some indulgent self-congratulations. Last Thursday I declared I would post material here every day through February 14th. Well, I did it.
What does that mean? It merely says that in a field so fragile as the creative work of blogging (all writing careers are fragile, not only for the actual means of making a living, but also for the very act of writing itself), what you say you will do is as good as having a boss who demands performance or you're out the door.
Writers must get up every day and do the hard work of writing, which has almost nothing to do with inspiration, but everything to do with commitment and determination. As a writer (or blogger) you ARE your word! If you keep your word to write your words, you have a fighting chance.
My own struggle with writing has to do with seeking and rarely finding the free time to do the hard work of writing. Now, consider this: when you or I find a window of free time, what do we want to do with it? Work? NO. Hard work? Definitley NOT!! I seek to luxuriate in reading, bathing in hot bubbly tub water, calling a friend, preparing a special meal, catching up on housekeeping chores and laundry, grocery shopping, or, god forbid, watching more TV! So the shift has to happen differently, as a way to get into the habit of doing the hard work necessary to get to the joy of having delivered on my word and then the joy of having delivered words I might be proud of.
What I like about blogs for writers, as a means of getting oneself into the writing habit, is the fantasy that there are hungry readers waiting to catch that daily entry, that brief but pithy slice of thinking that will inspire or arouse their curiosity. So today I did it: I have a week under my belt of daily blog entries. And today I pledge another week. Onward to February 21.
What does that mean? It merely says that in a field so fragile as the creative work of blogging (all writing careers are fragile, not only for the actual means of making a living, but also for the very act of writing itself), what you say you will do is as good as having a boss who demands performance or you're out the door.
Writers must get up every day and do the hard work of writing, which has almost nothing to do with inspiration, but everything to do with commitment and determination. As a writer (or blogger) you ARE your word! If you keep your word to write your words, you have a fighting chance.
My own struggle with writing has to do with seeking and rarely finding the free time to do the hard work of writing. Now, consider this: when you or I find a window of free time, what do we want to do with it? Work? NO. Hard work? Definitley NOT!! I seek to luxuriate in reading, bathing in hot bubbly tub water, calling a friend, preparing a special meal, catching up on housekeeping chores and laundry, grocery shopping, or, god forbid, watching more TV! So the shift has to happen differently, as a way to get into the habit of doing the hard work necessary to get to the joy of having delivered on my word and then the joy of having delivered words I might be proud of.
What I like about blogs for writers, as a means of getting oneself into the writing habit, is the fantasy that there are hungry readers waiting to catch that daily entry, that brief but pithy slice of thinking that will inspire or arouse their curiosity. So today I did it: I have a week under my belt of daily blog entries. And today I pledge another week. Onward to February 21.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
When the mighty refuse to fall
What on earth can we learn from the hearings around Roger Clemens' possible use of HGH? The jury is out as the hearings are on today, and the analyses of his passionate commitment to clearing his name spill out daily on sports and other news media outlets.
I cannot guess how this will turn out, but it's not looking good for Roger. Brian McNamee has retained in his basement the syringes from 2001 (seven years old, ladies and gentlemen!) and DNA may still be on these articles. With physical evidence, the "he said, he said" means nothing.
News reports say Clemens spent Tuesday (2/12) on Capital Hill lobbying various members of the congressional committee investigating him. Why? Without condemning someone whom I increasingly feel sorry for, I wonder what there is that leads anyone to believe that personal charm, persuasive lobbying, can matter when the cards are stacked at this level.
If in fact Clemens is forced to admit that he didn't understand the rules (say, what?), what makes him think that this investigation is simply a matter of interpretation? This smells of an Enron, (at least the hubris of the CEOs), or any number of events in the past decade, which indicate that sometimes when we rise to the top, we are insulated from holding fast and strong to ethics, logic, or examining the consequences of breaking or bending the rules to fit our need to stay on top of our game, maintain our status, or protect our reputation.
It's enough to make me grateful for my puny place in life, for my lack of climbing a ladder whose perch I could never have sustained. But still I look to my own hubris. I ask where am I assuming a special forgiveness where I can talk my way out of scrutiny. Is this embedded arrogance an outcome of a litigious society where a good lawyer can slice and dice the issues so well that anyone wealthy enough or fortunate(?) enough can get by with murder?
I cannot guess how this will turn out, but it's not looking good for Roger. Brian McNamee has retained in his basement the syringes from 2001 (seven years old, ladies and gentlemen!) and DNA may still be on these articles. With physical evidence, the "he said, he said" means nothing.
News reports say Clemens spent Tuesday (2/12) on Capital Hill lobbying various members of the congressional committee investigating him. Why? Without condemning someone whom I increasingly feel sorry for, I wonder what there is that leads anyone to believe that personal charm, persuasive lobbying, can matter when the cards are stacked at this level.
If in fact Clemens is forced to admit that he didn't understand the rules (say, what?), what makes him think that this investigation is simply a matter of interpretation? This smells of an Enron, (at least the hubris of the CEOs), or any number of events in the past decade, which indicate that sometimes when we rise to the top, we are insulated from holding fast and strong to ethics, logic, or examining the consequences of breaking or bending the rules to fit our need to stay on top of our game, maintain our status, or protect our reputation.
It's enough to make me grateful for my puny place in life, for my lack of climbing a ladder whose perch I could never have sustained. But still I look to my own hubris. I ask where am I assuming a special forgiveness where I can talk my way out of scrutiny. Is this embedded arrogance an outcome of a litigious society where a good lawyer can slice and dice the issues so well that anyone wealthy enough or fortunate(?) enough can get by with murder?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
How do you know you're happy?
If you're having a birthday and people wish you a happy day, is it incumbent upon you to be happy? If someone says: have a nice day, must you follow that advice?
You know you're happy if you're not crying, not cranky, not falling asleep at 9 PM on an otherwise normal workday. You know you're happy if you remember that your complaining gets you nowhere and that you can generate your own well-being by remaining in a state of relative ease in spite of the circumstances. You know you're happy if you can lose a gold earring and look for it and then resign yourself that it just may be your turn (again) to give up something treasured in order to remember that the day you die, you will give up all the treasures.
You know you're happy when you remember that it's good to be alive, in spite of the dirty dishes, the long overdue dental appointment, the very uncertain and frighteningly changing economy. You know you're happy when you remember you are not alone, no matter how shameful it sometimes feels to recall your own inadequacies.
You know you're happy if you're not crying, not cranky, not falling asleep at 9 PM on an otherwise normal workday. You know you're happy if you remember that your complaining gets you nowhere and that you can generate your own well-being by remaining in a state of relative ease in spite of the circumstances. You know you're happy if you can lose a gold earring and look for it and then resign yourself that it just may be your turn (again) to give up something treasured in order to remember that the day you die, you will give up all the treasures.
You know you're happy when you remember that it's good to be alive, in spite of the dirty dishes, the long overdue dental appointment, the very uncertain and frighteningly changing economy. You know you're happy when you remember you are not alone, no matter how shameful it sometimes feels to recall your own inadequacies.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Political Overload
When does political junkie-dom become an issue of addictive over-indulgence and a way to avoid real life life issues? I can't say exactly, except if you suspect this may be happening, it's already happened.
I noticed over the weekend that whenever I was upstairs on my desktop, where the Huffpo website is saved as my opening screen from Safari, I would get sucked right in to the Clinton/Obama/McCain/Huckabeee races in the next cluster of states in the endless run to the conventions and on to the the election of 2008!!!!!
It didn't hit home fully until I got my achey body over to the gym to grind away on the elliptical, and I glanced over at CNN to watch excerpts from Hillary and Barack doing what sounded like tired stump speeches in Washington State or in Virginia. They both looked bored and sounded boring. They both had the same old, same old sound and look.
Is this the post Super Tuesday super-sized media bloat? I thought I had recovered from CNN during the first Gulf War. No, I watched more than anyone's fair share during the Iowa and new Hampshire primaries, and followed Super T on PBS (oh, how tame and dull; how deliciously dull). Now it's not such an overwhelming number of primaries to follow: how dare the Democrats make this such a long, drawn out process. I have to go back to the disinterest of July 2007. But, there was something good about last summer: I got things done for myself. I paid attention to the issues of my life that matter: making a living, staying in touch with close friends, taking care of my home, wardrobe, diet, etc. It's not that these things have disappeared; they have just taken on a dull quality, not because the competition from electioneering is more important, but just because it's packaged with bells and whistles that make it seem of compelling interest.
It always comes back to balance. We must ask ourselves every day, before the veil of illusion covers our conscious life in the excitement of media magic: what's the world for me now? Am I drowning in entertainment, masquerading as political urgency, or am I advancing my conscious mind and personal equilibrium to put the stimuli of the media in its proper proportion? I know today where I stand on that question. Adios for today.
I noticed over the weekend that whenever I was upstairs on my desktop, where the Huffpo website is saved as my opening screen from Safari, I would get sucked right in to the Clinton/Obama/McCain/Huckabeee races in the next cluster of states in the endless run to the conventions and on to the the election of 2008!!!!!
It didn't hit home fully until I got my achey body over to the gym to grind away on the elliptical, and I glanced over at CNN to watch excerpts from Hillary and Barack doing what sounded like tired stump speeches in Washington State or in Virginia. They both looked bored and sounded boring. They both had the same old, same old sound and look.
Is this the post Super Tuesday super-sized media bloat? I thought I had recovered from CNN during the first Gulf War. No, I watched more than anyone's fair share during the Iowa and new Hampshire primaries, and followed Super T on PBS (oh, how tame and dull; how deliciously dull). Now it's not such an overwhelming number of primaries to follow: how dare the Democrats make this such a long, drawn out process. I have to go back to the disinterest of July 2007. But, there was something good about last summer: I got things done for myself. I paid attention to the issues of my life that matter: making a living, staying in touch with close friends, taking care of my home, wardrobe, diet, etc. It's not that these things have disappeared; they have just taken on a dull quality, not because the competition from electioneering is more important, but just because it's packaged with bells and whistles that make it seem of compelling interest.
It always comes back to balance. We must ask ourselves every day, before the veil of illusion covers our conscious life in the excitement of media magic: what's the world for me now? Am I drowning in entertainment, masquerading as political urgency, or am I advancing my conscious mind and personal equilibrium to put the stimuli of the media in its proper proportion? I know today where I stand on that question. Adios for today.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
It's never too late
Well, it's still the same day to keep your promise even if it's just around ninety minutes before midnight.
I have nothing to say except that there's a recession in the wind and people are more afraid than ever of not finding work or losing the meagre job they're holding onto right now. My next door neighbor is a Russian technology scientist who was making around 150 until he was laid off in November, but then he was picked up again as a full time consultant until they cut everyone out and shipped all their work to China. So he's unemployed again, but he says there are still more interviews ahead. He owns the condo we live in and he won't get much for it now with the Boston real estate market in such a funk, much like the rest of the country.
As for me, I'm losing my office at Northeastern U at the end of spring break, along with twenty or so other teachers. Who knows where they plan to put us, but I have some pretty good art I brought in which will now be relegated to my basement again, as I don't want to hang that much in my home yet. I always have more art than walls to hang any of it.
So, it's getting late and I have lesson plans for my early morning college level angels, who will be sorely disappointed that I haven't finished reading their first draft papers. But this was a busy weekend, full of tiny nagging details, one of which is writing for my blog, but I'm not complaining. Life is full of tradeoffs, and if you do everything perfectly the way you know you ought, you won't grow. You won't make yourself take on new tasks, new challenges. So there! I'm done and I made it just in time.
I have nothing to say except that there's a recession in the wind and people are more afraid than ever of not finding work or losing the meagre job they're holding onto right now. My next door neighbor is a Russian technology scientist who was making around 150 until he was laid off in November, but then he was picked up again as a full time consultant until they cut everyone out and shipped all their work to China. So he's unemployed again, but he says there are still more interviews ahead. He owns the condo we live in and he won't get much for it now with the Boston real estate market in such a funk, much like the rest of the country.
As for me, I'm losing my office at Northeastern U at the end of spring break, along with twenty or so other teachers. Who knows where they plan to put us, but I have some pretty good art I brought in which will now be relegated to my basement again, as I don't want to hang that much in my home yet. I always have more art than walls to hang any of it.
So, it's getting late and I have lesson plans for my early morning college level angels, who will be sorely disappointed that I haven't finished reading their first draft papers. But this was a busy weekend, full of tiny nagging details, one of which is writing for my blog, but I'm not complaining. Life is full of tradeoffs, and if you do everything perfectly the way you know you ought, you won't grow. You won't make yourself take on new tasks, new challenges. So there! I'm done and I made it just in time.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Lethargy
Fear was yesterday's topic; lethargy is today's. Lethargy is defined as a lack of energy and enthusiasm. It was used originally in medical terminology, but has come around to more frequently describe mood in the late twentieth century. Mood itself is defined in one iteration as a sullen state of mind. A lethargic mood is therefore loaded with down-tempo, depressive like, dare I say "fear" centered overtones?
The more I explore the words I use to describe my current frame of mind, the worse I feel and the fiercer I am to get moving of this cesspool of negativity. What to do next? Well, as if there isn't a platter of duties to attend to, or a long list of quality of life items that could use my undivided attention: clean up my wedding business files to access the most commonly used templates and put the rest in a folder that saves me seconds and sometimes minutes in useless mining through old material every time I sit down to write the next wedding script.
Or, in short, get off my duff and do the next thing in front of my nose. Life is action, not worry, not endless reasoning. I have spent too much of my life reasoning through the options and not enough time acting on the obvious, for fear of making a mistake and/or wasting time. (See the last two days' postings). I'd like to say more, but my lethargy has disappeared and I have to get to work.
The more I explore the words I use to describe my current frame of mind, the worse I feel and the fiercer I am to get moving of this cesspool of negativity. What to do next? Well, as if there isn't a platter of duties to attend to, or a long list of quality of life items that could use my undivided attention: clean up my wedding business files to access the most commonly used templates and put the rest in a folder that saves me seconds and sometimes minutes in useless mining through old material every time I sit down to write the next wedding script.
Or, in short, get off my duff and do the next thing in front of my nose. Life is action, not worry, not endless reasoning. I have spent too much of my life reasoning through the options and not enough time acting on the obvious, for fear of making a mistake and/or wasting time. (See the last two days' postings). I'd like to say more, but my lethargy has disappeared and I have to get to work.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Overcoming Fear
What does it take to push oneself just one step closer to doing the next right thing?
The next right thing often has an obstacle surrounding it when it stands as its own barrier to action: fear. Fear of something happening in any number of unforeseen scenarios or directions freezes most of us in place. Well, it certainly does that to me.
What fires up my fear today? Wasting time!! Today is cold and snowy and grey, not atypical for February in the Northeast. I slept in (Friday is my Saturday) and put off a scheduled Friday morning meeting until noon. Then my next plan was postponed to give my husband the car. Then the series of phone calls which were supposed to lead to another set of actions actually yielded no response, and so my plans have changed three times over since starting the day. It feels like I'm wasting my time.
True or not true? It seems like I can't be wasting my time if these changes are not coming from my own resistance. After all, I did what I said I would do and how dare I believe I can control someone else picking up the phone? Weren't the original plans just ideas, and aren't ideas flexible, made to move around and let themselves become other better (or worse) ideas with time and other people's energies and intentions intersecting?
We are either spending time or wasting it, but either way, time waits for no one. The suffering, the self-punishment for wasting time is itself a waste of time and healthy energy. Sometimes it takes me years to see a certain commitment that yielded great disappointment might have been a waste to begin with. But that doesn't add up to wasted time. We just can never know. That hindsight adds up to wisdom. This much is true. It helps to question the frame of mind that assumes wasted time when things change quickly or just don't go our way. The only time we waste is that set of moments we wish to escape from, not the ones we spend living in the possibility that meaning is available to us whatever is served up in front of our faces.
The next right thing often has an obstacle surrounding it when it stands as its own barrier to action: fear. Fear of something happening in any number of unforeseen scenarios or directions freezes most of us in place. Well, it certainly does that to me.
What fires up my fear today? Wasting time!! Today is cold and snowy and grey, not atypical for February in the Northeast. I slept in (Friday is my Saturday) and put off a scheduled Friday morning meeting until noon. Then my next plan was postponed to give my husband the car. Then the series of phone calls which were supposed to lead to another set of actions actually yielded no response, and so my plans have changed three times over since starting the day. It feels like I'm wasting my time.
True or not true? It seems like I can't be wasting my time if these changes are not coming from my own resistance. After all, I did what I said I would do and how dare I believe I can control someone else picking up the phone? Weren't the original plans just ideas, and aren't ideas flexible, made to move around and let themselves become other better (or worse) ideas with time and other people's energies and intentions intersecting?
We are either spending time or wasting it, but either way, time waits for no one. The suffering, the self-punishment for wasting time is itself a waste of time and healthy energy. Sometimes it takes me years to see a certain commitment that yielded great disappointment might have been a waste to begin with. But that doesn't add up to wasted time. We just can never know. That hindsight adds up to wisdom. This much is true. It helps to question the frame of mind that assumes wasted time when things change quickly or just don't go our way. The only time we waste is that set of moments we wish to escape from, not the ones we spend living in the possibility that meaning is available to us whatever is served up in front of our faces.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Keeping Your Word
I have long forgotten, living so forcefully and fully in the reasonable, rational stratosphere of delusional self-interest, that keeping my word mattered to making meaning in my life.
I wonder, for instance, why I don't want to write daily in this blog. My excuse is that I don't yet know how to attract readers, or I've let myself remain ignorant of how to find out about attracting traffic, and creating helpful and mutually productive links. So if no one is reading (or watching) what's the point? Why bother? All of this connects to another way of thinking. If no one expects anything from me, I'm off the hook. I can breathe, as I will not be asked to be accountable for one more thing (there are plenty of other accountabilities, after all).
It occurs to me today that I have a basic "excuse" mentality, looking always to get more from life than I'm willing to put into it. This is not that hard to understand. I've had a great deal of disappointment. Haven't I earned the right, as well as the expertise, to take short-cuts? Actually no. That's just not how life (or blogging) works. I can't maintain an active blog if I'm not active myself. I can't create traffic---readers---unless there's something to read, and if I write everyday and begin to feel excited about the work, I may just produce enough to ask a few people to read and comment and even to help me find a way to attract more than just friends as readers.
So, what does this mean? I will write in this space every day for the next week. Every day. Everyday until February 14, there will be a posting in the blogspot. My word matters to me; perhaps my words will matter to others.
I wonder, for instance, why I don't want to write daily in this blog. My excuse is that I don't yet know how to attract readers, or I've let myself remain ignorant of how to find out about attracting traffic, and creating helpful and mutually productive links. So if no one is reading (or watching) what's the point? Why bother? All of this connects to another way of thinking. If no one expects anything from me, I'm off the hook. I can breathe, as I will not be asked to be accountable for one more thing (there are plenty of other accountabilities, after all).
It occurs to me today that I have a basic "excuse" mentality, looking always to get more from life than I'm willing to put into it. This is not that hard to understand. I've had a great deal of disappointment. Haven't I earned the right, as well as the expertise, to take short-cuts? Actually no. That's just not how life (or blogging) works. I can't maintain an active blog if I'm not active myself. I can't create traffic---readers---unless there's something to read, and if I write everyday and begin to feel excited about the work, I may just produce enough to ask a few people to read and comment and even to help me find a way to attract more than just friends as readers.
So, what does this mean? I will write in this space every day for the next week. Every day. Everyday until February 14, there will be a posting in the blogspot. My word matters to me; perhaps my words will matter to others.
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