Character Development

Remember when you suffered a loss as a child, or your boyfriend spurned you as an adolescent? Your parents or other well-meaning people consoled you with: suffering builds character. If this is true, what does it mean?

It's not suffering that builds character, but squaring with reality. And the facing of truth brings up the discomfort of turning away from denial, which sometimes includes extraordinary discomfort, if not excruciating pain.

OK. So why is squaring with reality and facing down denial so damned difficult? Character development is a messy business, and reality is not transparent most of the time. It can take years to see the writing on the wall. This blind-spot shows up in all the currect foreclosures for people who bought in to the fantasy that they would always be able to make their mortgage payments, even after getting a sub-prime loan. I understand these fantasies, but who among those losing their homes (read dreams, dignity, security) is sitting there happy to have a stepping stone to character? What value does this behemoth "character" offer?

Wisdom. Unless we completely throw in the towel, there's always another day, always another chance. We construct a fine picture of how life should look (often too much like a Morning in America campaign ad) and we come to believe that's reality. Then a crisis hits and we come to see what really counts. The fine art of building character, the end of which is wisdom, and the invitation to which is wisdom in action, is to see the mini-crises while they're happening, to read the tea leaves that offer us a thousand tiny warnings to pay heed, to wake up. I bet your mother never said it that way.