Sometimes I just don't want to pray. It boils down to wanting to keep myself responsible for living a life in right action and not leaning on a god to bail me out of my own "soup". I just don't want a rescue unless I deserve it, like I don't want my parents to get me out of trouble.
Perhaps the operative word is deserve. If we don't deserve good fortune, it seems that we'll find ways to avoid it. It's like having an attitude that acts as an invisible wall. But what if one has an attitude that is so undeserving that neither god nor man can enter and expand one's soul? That's not self-reliance: that's an upside down ego tanked in the detritus of low self-esteem. So then it comes down to this: if you're feeling blue, go ahead and ask for help: god is used to it. Maybe it's those moments of low self-esteem that are deliberately put there as a reminder to be humble and ask for help.
Mostly, I don't want to pray until it gets really bad; but maybe the god of my understanding is still there, still listening, even when times are good, even when I feel balanced and in sync, and maybe the prayers then are simple conversations, even gratitudes!!
About Me
- elly jackson
- Boston, Massachusetts, United States
- I am a Boston, Massachusetts-based Wedding Officiant and Celebrant; I also do free-lance writing, editing, teaching and coaching writers.
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