Forgiveness

One of the toughest issues of developing character is forgiveness. I have seen extraordinary grace in the face of unthinkable suffering and marveled at the heroic greatness of soul to forgive another of wrongdoing.

Sometimes this forgiveness is not saying OK: you can walk away with a clear conscience just because I forgave you. Consequences are necessary for all of us as a lesson . Without consequences, a clear conscience is not clear enough for learning the next right thing to do.

But who benefits from forgiveness? As many have acknowledged, it's often the one who forgives, more than the one who is forgiven. Why? It is in the act of forgiveness that the aggrieved party can have a shred of hope to move on, to keep the channels of love and trust open to others. This certainly does not mean to forget. And it does not mean to abrogate the need to press for consequences, for responsibility and sometimes on a broad scale to seek for changes in the law.

I have a friend who stopped speaking to her brother after he refused to help her dying parents over several years of declining health. He left her completely alone holding the bag. But she forgave this brother; he has a son growing up without her influence and friendship and she knew the boy didn't need to suffer from his father and aunt's broken bond. She is happier and her nephew knows her loving hand.

These are extremely tough decisions, but when thought through completely, give back much more than they take away.